We just got back from a week in the snow with my (Nikki’s) family.
It was super fun to be outdoors skiing/snowboarding, breathing in the fresh mountain air, and spending quality time with our nieces and nephew.
We are embarrassed to say that we prioritised getting out on the slopes and staying in with the fam more than our regular meditation practice, and so it tended to slip away time and time again.
And we certainly noticed it!
Things that otherwise wouldn’t phase us started to get on our nerves and we found ourselves bickering a bit (something which to be honest we don’t often do)!
Unpacking it a few days later (once our meditation practice was in full swing again and we were in a calm and clear headspace), we realised that our bickering fit the bill of a classic process we explore in our Centred Edge program, called a ‘mutually interlocking defending-avoiding treadmill’.
Defending-avoiding treadmills are persistent cyclical ways of reacting to certain situations and people based on a (conscious or unconscious) sense of being threatened or undermined – ending without satisfaction and resolution.
I know that’s a mouthful!
Let me give a tangible example…
When I sense that Kevin is frustrated at something I have said, I automatically become silent and then start to retract whatever it is I said.
I unconsciously do this in an attempt to calm the situation down, avoid confrontation, and make everything good again.
It sucks because inevitably, I end up over-compromising and not truly expressing what I want.
Now it gets even trickier when my treadmill becomes mutually interlocked with Kevins.
You see, when Kevin realises that I have gone silent, he automatically assumes that he has done something wrong and tries to guess what it is in his mind.
Since I am just silent or super accommodating, he becomes more and more dominating and controlling of the conversation and situation.
It sucks because he ends up feeling more frustrated, guilty, and helpless – and this sets my treadmill off even more.
See how it is mutually interlocking?
Being able to be aware of and talk about it openly and authentically with one another was SUPER helpful.
We even came up with a strategy of what to do the next time we find ourselves going down the rabbit hole to help each other out.
We really wish everyone had these kinds of tools and processes to use both on themselves and in tandem with other people.
That’s literally why we created the Centred Edge program together with Walter Bellin, our teacher and mentor, who has 50 years of experience with this stuff.
Not only do we explore and unpack stress cycles, defending-avoiding treadmills, the socially-emotionally conditioned mindset, and social-emotional intelligence, we also teach you a self-directed effortless meditation technique which you become completely proficient in after one session.
Take our 7 year old nephew for example.
While we were away, we finally said enough is enough and decided to go upstairs and meditate.
“How do you meditate?” he inquired.
So I told him to come with us and we would teach him.
After a few minutes of instruction, we were all silent for 20 minutes.
Checking in with him afterwards, we were blown away by his experience.
He got it!
And he was having all the typical experiences that indicate he was meditating correctly.
It may never be the perfect time and you may never be 100% ready.
I guarantee that if you could have a conversation with your future self having completed the program, you would tell yourself to work out whatever you need to in order to do it now.
So trust yourself and book in now 🙂