Lately I’ve been looking back at situations in my life where I’ve left things unfinished. Scanning through my past, I recall how my previous relationship before Kevin ended. Just a few days after we broke up I went on a date with Kevin and didn’t tell my ex about it. He subsequently found out through others and naturally got upset. Since he lives inter-state, I didn’t see him that often and because things got serious with Kevin I didn’t think it was a big deal.
Late last week I decide to call him. As the phone rings, I can feel the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. He answers. We chit chat for a while catching up and then there is a pause in the conversation and I realise it’s my turn to explain why I’ve called. I apologise for not being upfront with him about my date with Kevin so soon after we broke up and for the impact it might have had on him. And then I stop.
“I just realised I don’t even know what impact it had on you – what was that like for you at the time”?
“To be honest…it was the hardest thing that I had ever dealt with. I see now what a huge learning curve it was for me, but at the time, I was really affected by it”.
I was shocked. I had literally been numb to the impact of my actions on him all this time. I immediately felt disappointed in myself, but I was reminded that it wasn’t a case of needing to feel bad or wrong. Part of being human is that we simply think and behave in direct accordance with how a situation occurs to us… There’s nothing to be ashamed of. There’s just the opportunity to look authentically, and then acknowledge and clean up once we see the situation more wholly. It got me thinking about other situations in my life where I’m not present to the impact that my actions have on others. And how easy it is to just ask! Of course it takes courage and being willing to take responsibility for any part (even unintentional) we had to play – but it sure is worth it in the end! As a result, he was left positively impacted and as a bonus, the conversation was far easier than I envisaged. On top of it, I was left with a newfound sense of freedom – like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. What about you? We invite you to look and take responsible action in areas of life where this might apply.
