In a newsletter a few weeks back, I shared about the first time I had a panic attack, how I somehow managed to ‘calm down and get through it’ and how I discovered that I’ve been ‘calming down and getting through’ challenging situations ever since. I divulged how whilst it has certainly worked to a certain extent, I feel that it’s been limiting me in many ways. I expressed how I realised that I am out to make a huge impact in the world no matter what, even in the face of additional pressure, potential for ‘failure’, and anxious sensations that might accompany this endeaveour.
An area of my life that I realised I have been restrained is in my Psychology studies. All throughout university, I experienced some form of anxiety (although never clinically diagnosed). I recall sitting in my university lectures towards the start of each semester and the lecturer informing us on our upcoming assessment dates. That all too familiar overwhelming feeling would rush through me and some sense of anxiety would continue to linger all throughout the semester. I became very good at ‘calming down and getting through it’, until it all came to heads during the lead up to my final undergrad Psych exams. You see, to be accepted into 4th year study (which is required to become a Psychologist), you need to have a distinction average and since I wasn’t quite up there, I knew I only had this final chance to give it my all! So I became a bit of a ‘wreck’. I studied all day, everyday, I was constantly anxious, experienced digestive issues and back pains, and just couldn’t enjoy the present moment (even if it was a good one). I wish I’d known about broad spectrum cbd at the time; not only would it reduce the stress and anxiety, but it supports a healthy gut that could’ve solved my digestive issues. Especially as there are so many forms of CBD treatments that you can go for – anything from oil tinctures to vape liquids and even edibles. This would’ve been an excellent solution for the multiple issues I experienced through studying, but fortunately, I found something else that would leave a lasting impact on my life. Ironically this period formed the catalyst for me taking up meditation so I am actually quite grateful for the experience, but by the end of my exams I simply had enough so I decided to take a bit of a break before continuing with my Psychology studies.
That was almost 7 years ago now. Sometime throughout my incredible journey with meditation, mindfulness, and Ayurveda, I convinced myself that I didn’t actually want to pursue my Psychology studies anymore. Somewhere along the line I had decided that I was more interested in prevention rather than cure and that in fact I was no longer interested in becoming a Psychologist at all. What I failed to acknowledge (not to mention even realise) was that the truth was I was actually deceiving myself. When it comes down to it, I was downright afraid to put myself under that much pressure again. I mean I can certainly see why…although, since then I have been recommended many methods and products to use to ease this feeling, like visiting sites such as https://mushroomz.co/shop/ to provide me with some cannabis edibles that I can chew on in a moment of anxiety. There are now plenty of things out there to try to help cope! However, for years after I finished studying, I had spontaneous nightmares that I had an essay due or an exam coming up the next day. And when I even flirted with the idea of going back to uni, I felt sick in the pit of my stomach. Yet something is clearly out of wack…in the last two years I have built a business from scratch whilst studying an Advanced Diploma and servicing a mortgage, not to mention the added pressure of not falling pregnant for the last 12 months – yet I’m thriving in all those aspects of my life and they are causing almost no anxiety at all! I reckon some of those are arguably more anxiety-provoking than a 4th Year University degree! How’s that for mental distortion!?
So… what’s the point of my story? Well, I have decided to give my 4th Year Psychology studies a go! I realised that not only could I still focus on prevention rather than cure as a Psychologist, I would potentially be even more effective at it. I’ve found an online course (the first in Australia) through Monash University that will allow me to study alongside my precious duties at Centred Meditation and what’s more, I start in only a few weeks time! This is where our thought of the week: “isn’t it astounding how powerful our minds are in affecting our whole experience of life?” comes into play. You see, before even enrolling, I already started witnessing feelings of overwhelm, pangs of anxiety, and difficulty enjoying the present moment. I know others I’d spoken with online had found a solution to their own anxiety by using cannabis dispensaries (like this – pggroupmi.com) but I hadn’t tried it personally and was still trying to find something that worked for me. I had literally conjured up a hypothetical future and was experiencing it as a present reality, without anything even changing yet! Thankfully with the help of my meditation experience, mindfulness know-how, and commitment to self-development, I was able to successfully deal with those unproductive thoughts and emotions, and I’m confident that I will master whatever will inevitably arise through this process. Although I suspect it is going to be one interesting hell of a ride! No doubt our Who Cares meet-up for urban professionals dealing with anxiety/depression will help. Watch this space 🙂